Nobody warned me about the crazy things that would happen as my wedding drew closer. My heart did a double flip flop when I saw ‘5 months’ on the countdown of my TheKnot app. It’s just getting so real, and getting down to the wire. Nobody told me that I wouldn’t be just nervous. The phrase ‘scared shitless’ is the more accurate way to describe this. I do know that what I am experiencing is simply nerves, and not ‘cold feet’, because I know fully in my heart,and it is confirmed by my friends and family’s approval that I am marrying the right man. On September 5, 2015, I will be giving my heart and hand to the man of my dreams, and we will start a new life together.
Don’t even know where to begin to describe what has been racing through my mind and heart as of late. That’s one crazy feeling right there, the overwhelming tidal wave that comes over me when I realize the gravity of the choice I am about to make, to spend the rest of my life loving just one person. I’ll be entrusting him with everything.
With making this choice, I am also facing one of my fears, marriage, because I see so many marriages ending. The heartbreak it causes makes me think carefully, and take steps to insure it won’t happen. For example, right now, I am going to a Bible study at the church called ‘A Beautiful Wife, by Sandy Ralya. Though I’m not married yet, I’m soaking in the advice from women with more experience. They tell me about what works, how to deal with different situations, about perspective in a situation, winning attitudes, etc…and most importantly, making God number one in our marriage.
I know I’m not perfect, as I messed up this morning when I got upset when my fiance and my weekend plans had to change. I’m thankful for his forgiving understanding heart when I told him I was sorry. I will never pretend to be perfect, because I don’t even come close! I’m just a woman bumbling through life who walks into doors, walks into walls, trips on her own two feet, oh, and my fiance’s personal favorite? I walked once into a mannequin at an upscale store, and politely said “excuse me”! I’m not a perfect woman, just an imperfect woman saved by God’s perfect grace.
As long as I place all my trust in God, I can hold His hand, and simply wing it and learn as I go. Yes, the approaching wedding may cause me to get the jitters, but I know I will be ok. I’m simply taking this one day at a time. That’s all I can do.