I’m feeling called to fast forward for one blog entry, and talk about my current life. For the longest time, I have been feeling the emptiness that Wicca left when I abandoned that religion. I was still feeling the lure, the pull to start that lifestyle again. We all know that God is enabling me with the strength to resist, as I am now wearing the whole armor of God.
As of late, I am now recognizing this as one of Satan’s tricks to trip me up in my walk in Christ by causing me to have doubts, and to question if Christ alone could make me feel whole. Satan is so subtle in this way, where he appears as an angel of light to make me feel like the grass is greener on the other side. Still, I stand upon the word of God, cast down what used to be my idols, and realize that in Christ, I am complete. All I need is Christ.
Being in Maine reminds me of my teen years where I dabbled in the Craft, and got quite serious with it. Memories often haunt me, and Satan uses them to tempt me to long for those days. At times, I even led a double life where I was a Christian on the outside, but inside, my heart sang a different song. I used to agonize over this double life, and the loss of authenticity in either religion. I hated that my heart was so conflicted.
Just a couple days ago, I got rid of my remaining belongings that reminded me of the Craft, so that I could symbolically give Christ the rest of my heart. This would permanently sever any ties that would drag me back into my old life. Since that old self is dead to me, why do I need any reminders of it?
When I got rid of this stuff, depression kicked in again. I realized that while I was a Christ follower in both heart and mind, I still had the Craft psychologically on the back burner “just in case”. I hate to admit that though, but in the process of healing, I need to be honest with myself, and confront that fact.
When I got rid of everything (and I mean everything), I cut all ties, so the Craft was out of the question altogether. I finally let go. It was painful, but I had to say goodbye. I was even clear with my friends who encouraged me to stay open minded to other religions, and told them that I belong to Christ, and Christ alone. I told them that I would live as a Christ-follower, and die a Christ-follower.
I’m still dealing with the depression, but God, through Christ alone is my healer, and I will trust Him with every single part of my heart now. He will listen to me pour my heart out to Him, and He will speak to me as well. I’m slowly, but surely learning that all I need is this connection to God through Christ. In time, it will become second nature.